How to get Drunk and Not be an Idiot: By Yourself

New series, im a do one every week until i dont feel like doing this anymore. 

How to get Drunk and Not be an Idiot: By Yourself
            I know what your thinking, since your drinking by yourself your already comitting a cardinal sin when it comes to getting crunk.  Well, your actually aren’t because this is actually the best way to avoid being an idiot when you become intoxicated.  First off, you are most likely at home, if not then you are at a scary bar downtown where that creepy foreign bartender eyes you down til u leave the pub so he and his mates (fresh off the boat) can mugg you and take your money to use on crack. 
     So in this situation you are by yourself at home.  You’ve had 2 beers and 6 shots of tequila and feeling very good.  Now usually when human beings are intoxicated they make fools out of themselves without knowing.  This is highly usual in young adults.  Right now u need to but your car keys away in a high a top place where you cannot reach with out the use of a chair.  Steer away from any hard drugs; cocaine, crack, meth, heroine, etc.  I condone using those when not drunk because mixing those and alcohol cant really hurt but to get the full affect of magic mushrooms you really should be not drinking alchoholic beverages.  yes, an O’Douls is fine. 
     So you have accomplished two of my steps already in not becoming an idiot; not driving (thus avoiding the possibility of public humiliation of those risky unpassable dui tests) and not using heroine.  Next is going to be hard turn off your celly, if u keep it on you will start calling ppl you havent called in months about the carolina hurricanes and whether they made the playoffs.  Also avoid watching television or you will start mumbling outloud and your mother might come down adn yell at you.  But not yell at you like an angry parent would but like “Oh, William” (slightly giggling and smiling all the time with a face full of love).  If this happens you will immediately turn to the hard drugs cause it will piss you off badly.  Not right at this moment would u want to come face to face with a loving parent.  It is extremely dangerous and has led to numerous heroin overdoses , for an example watch the movie trainspotting.   Renton is getting drunk with loving parents and then leaves to go o.d. 
      So the key to not being an idiot while drinking alone:
Step 1: Put car keys in high up place
Step 2: Hide hard drugs, where any intoxicated human would avoid going to (good example is oven)
Step 3: Turn off Phones to avoid drunk dialing 911
Step 4: Turn off TV to avoid mother
        And there u are, the keys to getting drunk and not being an idiot.  I hope you enjoyed.  H-Wigget was here and now im out 1 love